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"If you
never did,
you should.
These things are fun, and fun
is good."
- - Dr. Seuss
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"The 8 Myths of
Making a Living...
and the Truth of
Making a Life"
By Mary Lyn Miller
Getting Clear
About Your Life & Work
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RECOVERING FROM PEOPLE PLEASING
From MARY LYN MILLER,
Executive Director, The Life & Career Clinic:
Dear Mary Lyn:
I enjoyed your story in Chicken Soup for the Soul. I could relate to what you said about being
a people pleaser. How did you change this aspect in your life? I would really appreciate
any input you can give me.
Sincerely,
Barb, Plano, TX
Dear Barb:
Great question, no simple answer.
People pleasing is the result of
constantly looking outside of ourselves for self-esteem and validation. If someone gives
you positive feedback, you feel better - for a minute…or until someone says something
negative. Then you assume they're right because you don't have any internal source of
information. You believe the negativity, which reinforces lack of self-trust. The more you
are focused outside of yourself to get your needs met, the more disconnected you become
from the Inner Source that gives you the right answers.
The first step is the willingness
to focus on yourself. This is not selfish; it is critical to being a high functioning
human being. You cannot give from an empty cup. Do you really KNOW what is in your cup? Do
you really KNOW who you are?
Helping people find themselves
through a process called Life FocusingTM is
exactly what we do at the L&CC, but there are other
resources as well. Begin with reviewing what you've truly enjoyed in your life thus far
and what brings you joy. What are your likes and dislikes? What are your passions? What
keeps calling you? What doesn't go away? Write out the answers to these questions. What
does this say about you?
A good beginning action step is to
change your language from "other focused" to "self -focused". When
you're focused on others, you say, "I should, have to, ought to, need to,"
always implying you are a victim and have no choices; other people are expecting and
'making' you do things you don't want to do. Self-focused talk keys into your Passionate
Energy and sounds like, "I'm excited to…motivated to…want to…choose
to…etc.," and takes responsibility for what YOU want.
Keep talking about What You
WANT…What EXCITES You…What You're Doing About It…and slowly but surely I
think you'll find the focus of your life will begin to shift from what other people expect
to what YOU want.
Want more practice?
Express your passion on our new Discussion Forum!
Connect...share ideas...get support and encourage others on the path to leading a more
fulfilling, passionate life!
NEED
ANSWERS? ASK MARY LYN
[ Up ] [ Career Articles and Advice - Archives ] [ Do You Believe? ] [ Diversifying Your Life / Work Portfolio ] [ Expectations for the Future ] [ What's Your Fear Quotient ] [ Free Agent Lifestyle ] [ The Gratitude Game ] [ Recovering From People Pleasing ] [ The Power of Vision - 4 Principles ] [ The Holidays - Relax! ] [ 3 Keys to Receiving ] [ The Greatest Risk You Can Take ] [ 3 Keys for Successful Life / Work ] [ Unlimited Vision ] [ Where Are You Going? ] [ Passionate or Work Addicted? ]
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